Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Back Down Memory Lane

So, I'm like all over the internet. I'm on all the big name sites. I was talking to an old high school classmate of mine a couple of days ago on one of these social networking sites & she told me that our high school had a board on ning. I thought long and hard about this. High School wasn't my all-time favorite. I graduated as fast as I could. First off, the city where I lived was just too ding dang doggone teeny & everybody knew (and still knows) everybody else's business. I also felt like I was always a couple of steps behind everybody else. I was known, but never in "that" crowd. I wasn't a jock. I was rather nerdy, though I'm proud of my nerdiness now. I was smart, but not smart enough. I was like the ugly duckling I suppose. I was in band. But that was so much fun to me. Beta Club was a really big thing in our county, and though I participated at the games, I really wasn't into putting on my fake face & going to convention for the weekend. I graduated a year early & couldn't even get up the nerve to walk across the stage. I felt like an outcast, different from everybody else in some way. Anyway, when I got to that site & started browsing all the different profiles, all of that came flooding back. I had those same feelings of insecurity, like I didn't measure up. I've been around in stores & saw classmates and turned the other way so they wouldn't see me. I didn't want to answer to anybody, but I have nothing to hide. I started to think about all I've accomplished in the 14 years I've been out of H.S. On the outside looking in, everyone is doing so well. I'm proud of them. There were several people that weren't necessarily my "cup of tea," but we're adults now. It's time to squash that. I don't know if I'll ever bring myself to actually go to any type of reunion, but I'm so proud of me and the journey that I've traveled. Everyone has their story, even the seemingly "perfect people," but I can only create and edit mine. My life is like no one else's. I'm unique, my faults, my flaws, my pain & my accomplishments are ALL MINE. Thinking back, maybe I put all the added pressure on myself... I'm facing my demons head-on. I can't accept my future if I'm still living in my past right?