Are you Truly Thankful?

On my lunch break, I stopped at the gas station up the street from my job. I haven't been there in about a week so I had to talk for a while with the people I normally see everyday. There's almost always a group of homeless men that loiter in and around the store everyday. They're very nice to me and I always treat them the same way. Well, a new guy spoke to me, and I spoke back. He told me that he just came in to warm his food in the microwave. We talked about how cold it's been lately and he also said he's been homeless for a while. He asked, "Do you know how nice it is just to be able to have a hot meal?" Tears begin to sting my eyes. We talked about how he's so thankful just to be in the world. He said I've started back going to church and I'm happy. I know God loves me. WHAT A POWERFUL STATEMENT! I'm still fighting back tears. He asked, "Do you love me? I love you. You seem like a really nice lady." I told him yes, I do love you and I hope things get better for you. I paid for my coffee and that was that.

I can't stop thinking about him. He has no home, yet he's happy. He depends on the kindness of strangers just for a meal, and he's still smiling. This man seemed so content just with the fact that he opened his eyes this morning. I have a home, a car, a good job, family that loves me, and friends that I can depend on. So many of us are blessed with so much, yet we complain about the little that we don't have. We're like spoiled rotten little brats, and even the best that our Father gives is never enough.

Imagine how God feels, constantly offering us bliss and perfection and we choose to ignore his blessings because it doesn't come in the package that we want? He definitely does not deserve that! He gives us summer, but it's too hot. He offers rain to nourish the soil, but it's too wet for us. He cools us down in the winter, and we wish for spring.

We're not being fair.

Father God, I pray that you create in us acceptance, so that we may be content in our current situations and know that our circumstances do not define us. Lord open our eyes so that we may find a blessing in each and every thing that we see. Increase our Faith so that we are always aware that You love us even when the rest of the world seems to be against us. We give you all the Glory and we Magnify your Holy Name. You are our Creator and you deserve all the praise. In Jesus Name we pray, Amen.

I'm In Love!

I've been having an affair for too many years to count. No matter how much fun we had, I would always feel empty afterwards. It always felt like there should be something else. I never really felt complete. I catered to him, but it was never enough. He always wanted more. I gave my time, my energy, and opened my heart over and over again for it to just be snatched out and stepped on.

But, there was always someone waiting for me. He was always patient, always kind. He encouraged me and picked me up when I'd fall. He was always there with an encouraging word or a listening ear. When I was upset, he would just hold me and remind me that he's here. He wanted to be my everything. I never understood why? I ignored him until I needed him. I rarely visited. He just wanted a chance and I wouldn't give it to him. Just when I would feel myself beginning to give in to his pleading, I'd run away. He would ask me to trust him, I'd say no because I'm afraid. He wanted to help me. I told him I was independent. He knew everything about me, but he still wanted me. He accepted me regardless of all the bad I'd done. That still amazes me.

I'm too tired. I can't run anymore. Well, all his pleading kinda got to me. I'm in love! It's amazing that he waited until I was ready to love him back. The first time I paid attention to his touch, I felt brand spanking new. He made all my senses come alive. I finally "found" the man of my dreams, and he's been here all along. It's like a fairy tale and finally I get to be the Cinderella. And yes, my glass slipper fits perfectly!

My only regret is that I didn't allow Christ into my life sooner...

Somethin' Different

Since the last time I posted, there have been a LOT of changes in my life. Bear with me, & I promise to tell you everything in time. The tone of this blog will definitely be taking a turn. Expect more videos, definite updates, and a bit more writing samples. Hope you guys are wonderful... Luv u 2 pieces.

Average Black??

Ummkay, so the background information is: Woman called in to get information to pay account up to date. Woman spoke eloquently. White or black you say? WTH does it matter you say? He said black, I said white. He said she speaks very professionally, very pretty voice... for a black woman.... DEAD SILENCE...BIRDS CHIRPING...CRICKETS MAKING OUT... So that started a very heated discussion. Wanna hear it, here it goes. He said: Well you know what I mean. The average black woman doesn't speak that well even over the phone. He said most of the times they don't pronounce their words correctly, and they rarely ever emancipate (he mean enunciate) <<-- dumbass I said: Who is the average woman? What black woman are you talking about? Tell me, because I need to know who she is! He said: You know I'm not talking about you. When you're just talking to me face to face, you sound black because I know you're black. When you're on the phone, you speak differently. You know you sound white. I said: WTF!? DO WHAT?! No, sir, when I'm on the phone, I'm professional. When I'm with a customer, I'm professional. When I'm in a BUSINESS SETTING, I'm professional. He said: You already know you sound like a skinny white woman on the phone. I said: EFF YOU Keep in mind, this is definitely NOT the first time I've heard something like this. I've been hearing it all my life. Sometimes, even when I speak with family and they don't catch my voice, they think they've got the wrong number. I've got a deeeepppp southern drawl, and I just sound like me, i think. Now I'm not a neck twisting, to the booty, koolaid weave wearing type of woman, this is not average to me at all, but I am my own definition of the normal, average, black woman. Hell naw, I'm above average, superb, extraordinary, and all that jazz. This conversation just stuck with me though... So, I ask you this question, WTH DOES AN AVERAGE BLACK WOMAN SOUND LIKE?

Well, What Had Happened Wuz....

I'm human, I know. No matter what, shiggity happens... I realize that, but does it always hafta happen to ME? I have prolly like the most pared down laid back life, but I'm ALWAYS ALWAYS SWAMPED! There's always sumpin (yeah I said it) goin down in my life or within my teeny tiny circle of folks. Well, I've moved from a pretty decent sized house to a itty bitty yes its so precious coochie coochie coo type of apartment... BUT WE GOT A POOL THOUGH! It took me a week to pack up the life of Sonya & DeMarius. It took about 4 hours to unpack it all. I drive a Suzuki, my BFF had a Kia Truck, and my nephew had the muscles outta this world along with a WHOLE LOTTA ENERGY! Three trips from the old place to the new one and nonstop movement, we're almost done! This happened on a Thursday night. So, Friday night me & D camped out at the new place, slept on the floor cuz repo dudes from my office were supposed to bring the furniture on Saturday and the cable guy "Sam" HI SAM!!! was comin to hook up Cartoon Network. Repo Dudes called and said, no, we can't do it today cuz the weather's bad and we don't wanna ruin your furniture and BLAH BLAH CRAPPITY CRAP, and dear flicted Sonya says, ummkay, that's fine. They agreed to come on tomorrow. AND OF COURSE ON SUNDAY THEY'RE A FRIGGIN NO-SHOW! So, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday we camped out on that hard beautifully carpeted floor. By Monday morning I was walking with a limp and had a headache THIS BIG that was screaming for Excedrin and 1/2 of an inch away from a lil teensy weensy mini nervous breakdown cuz I STILL DIDN'T HAVE MY FURNITURE! And then my BFF, my ABC, my right hand, my homie in the hood made a few calls... An hour after her phone call, I had everything I owned in one place... And it only cost $20... NOW AIN'T THAT SUM FABULOSITY?! AT&T just visited yesterday to hook up some internet, so just as soon as I remember to get that phone cord, imma try blogging on the regular. We'll see what happens... And the dude that moved my furniture... Well, now that's another post :) PEACE & HAIR GREASE FOLKS!

Catch up... I promise I'll try and do better

Hi y'all! Happy MMX (2010). How's it hangin? It has been a WHILE since I've been here. Lemme give u updates. Well Marcus has made an almost 100% recovery. He is at home, he uses a cane because he's still a bit weak, of course most of the time, the cane is on his arm. He's so much better and it's all because of your outpouring of love. We really appreciate it. I started smoking again... GASP! But I'm back on the Chantix again, taking it as directed, I'm doing really good I think. I am definitely taking things slow though. When I quit this time, it'll be for a lot longer than 10 months! I'm totally healed from my surgery. That went well. I am empty as a bypass hooker's brain and I feel SO MUCH BETTER! I did some of my own research to find out the actual name of my problem. I honestly feel like it was Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. I had every one of the signs and symptoms and now, ALL GONE! I have no more swelling, no bladder urgency, my skin has calmed down tremendously and I haven't had 1 sugar spike (diabetes) since my surgery. I feel great! My business, Epiphany Frostings, is doing it's own thing. I stay busy, but new customers are always welcome. I feel so blessed to now be doing something I love. I'm feeling more and more content with my life. To each and every one of you that follow my blog, you are appreciated. Stay safe! I'LL BE BACK.

Superwoman

I'm fake and I just realized it. Faker than a $4 bill. Faker than a pack of blonde 79 cent bargain rack hair at the beauty supply store. I didn't know... At least not until today. I'm everybody's cheerleader and everybody's friend. I can be superwoman. When trouble happens, I'm the one to call on. My shoulders are always free when someone needs to lean. I'm the life of the party. I can make you smile when you're down and give you a reason to laugh when u wanna cry. I've always been that way. I attract the type of people who are in need. That means that the majority of people that have come into my life are only around for a season. No one seems to want to stay for a lifetime... I'm everyone's everything girl, and I'm sick and damn tired of it. Hell, I want to lean. I wanna fall into someone's arms and break down and cry and shake and scream until I have no tears, no voice left..... But I can't... I've gotta be strong for you, and you, and you, and you! I'm tired of smiling, acting like all's well in the world. It's not. It's crumbling around me... I can't fix it. I have this uncanny ability to solve everyone else's problems, but mine, no, mine are all my own's. I can't take it to them, they won't understand. Bullshit, woe is me, crappity crap. Not to worry though, it'll be all over in the morning......SUPAWOMAN TO THE RESCUE!

Prayer Changes Things

I wrote last time about my cousin Marcus. He's doing better y'all! He's been moved into another room though still in ICU. He's still on Dialysis, but things look so much better now. Marcus is still on the vent, but it's no longer in his mouth, he's been upgraded to a trache in his neck now. He can mouthe words, so you can have a two sided conversation with him. His attitude is coming back too, he's rolling his eyes at the nurses. He's been in the hospital about 3 weeks now and to progress from a dire prognosis to smiling and eye rolling, we're seeing miracles right before our eyes! I saw him two nights ago and it took everything in me to keep from shedding tears. I was so happy to see him looking so good. He's still running a bit of a temperature, but I think that's to be expected for a little while. I talked to his sis and she says that she does appreciate all the love and prayers and even if she can't say thank you to each and everyone personally, you're definitely in her heart. Don't stop praying y'all. Prayer Changes Things!

Life's Handed us Lemons... We're Waiting on the Lemonade

Well, it's been a while since I've spoken with you guys. So much has happened. I got a call, one week ago today from my cousin at the hospital. She was frantic. Our like a brother, homey in the hood, bestest cousin Marcus got sick. He has been borderline diabetic for a very long time. It caught up with him. Normal levels are around 120, his sugar spiked to over 1600! His kidneys shut down, he was on the vent and once I got there he was sedated & nonresponsive. This is my son's God-Father. The one that dreamed big dreams with me when we were kids and one of the only friends I had that was true. He's still with us but his progress is slow. He's on dialysis but not 24/7. His kidney's are functioning barely. His sedation isn't as strong, so he will open his eyes and squeeze our hands. That's definitely a blessing. It's been so hard seeing him like this. I've heard all my life that whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger, and I believe that. Our family is a praying family so each and every one of us have been speaking positivity and life into Marcus one on one and gathered together. I hate to see my family down, but it's so wonderful to see how much he's loved. I wonder if he knows. The majority of his graduating class has been in his room by his side. Preachers and their families, neighbors, sisters and brothers from the church... Just watching his story unfold has opened my eyes to so many things. It's awful that we take life for granted and just expect the next day to be handed to us. It's not promised. Everything we do now determines what happens the next day, next week, next year in our lives. He's only 34. He hasn't lived yet. I have been keeping tabs on his progress and back and forth to the hospital just to hold his hand. I didn't realize just how much I loved Marcus until we almost lost him. Keep him in your prayers and I will be sure to update!

Epiphany Frostings has been featured at Kinky Rhonnie's Spot

The Mint Aloe Butter Samples have been going so fast. I've received so many wonderful compliments about my product. I am really excited. Rhonda @ Kinky Rhonnie's Spot has featured Epiphany Frostings in her blog. Click here -> Check it out.

Wedding Day Dance - This is sooo Cute

I love to watch original weddings and this totally fits the bill. This is soooo cute!

Epiphany Frostings Hair & Body Care

The website is up! The sample promotion was wonderful. I'm so thankful for you guys. Free samples will still be available until August 1, 2009. If you're interested or need more information check the website Epiphany Frostings. All contact and ordering information is listed on the website. Thanks again!

Epiphany Frostings Hair & Body Care --- Coming Soon --- Free Samples!!!

Most of my followers know me from ContentLiberation's Fotki. If you know that much about me, then you also know, I take very good care of my hair and skin. I'm like the majority of women who really don't want to spend their last dime from each paycheck on a bunch of products (even though shopping is soooo much fun!) I believe in using minimal products to achieve maximum results, so I've created my very own Hair & Skin Care Line called Epiphany Frostings. This product can be used from the top of the head to the bottom of the feet. Each and every ingredient is 100% natural. I use the highest quality carrier and essential oils and butters to create a moisturizing and healthy alternative to the commercial Body Butters and Hair Jellies sold in stores. This product will totally eliminate the need to become a "Product Junky". Right now, my company is in the newborn stages. I'm just beginning. If you're interested in trying an unscented/lightly scented free sample, please email me your name and address to epiphanyfrostings@yahoo.com The website address will be http://www.myepiphanyfrostings.weebly.com --- I'm working on it as we speak.

Press Your Ear to my Belly Button --- You'll Hear the Ocean!

Well, it's been a long time coming. I'm having surgery that will render me totally sterile & hollow on the inside. I've had (for so many years) so many "female" problems. I'm tired of dealing with it. I've gone through so much physical pain and tears and even a few surgeries because of it. I can't take birth control pills or use birth control in any form. I have so many issues with this. I had a tubal ligation a year after my first & only child was born. I went from a sexy size 18 to an extra large size 26 in just a matter of months because of the DepoProvera shot. I tried a Mirena IUD to stop some of the excessive bleeding, but that shifted inside me and I almost couldn't stand up. Allergies to latex, so you should know what I'm saying about that. I've had two endometrial ablations which is a procedure that uses a lighted viewing instrument (hysteroscope) and other instruments to destroy (ablate) the uterine lining, or endometrium. Neither of those worked. I am finally having a Robotic Laparoscopic Hysterectomy done. I am so excited. Instead of my downtime being 6-8 weeks, I will only be down for about 10 days! That's a big improvement. I'll still have an 8 week healing time though, so for a while, I'll have to depend on others for a bit of assistance. I was worried that I would lose my job if I had to be out that long, but the Lord has definitely made a way. I've put this off for years & tried everything else, but it's definitely time. I was so worried about bills and money while I was out and I have been blessed in a way that I will be able to comfortably rest at home without that worry. My mama will be there with me and she's been a nurse for like 140+ years, so I know I will be in good hands. I will ask that all the people who follow my blog and maybe even consider me a friend, please be on one accord with me and pray for me through this. I'm confident that I will come out on top because everything is already falling into place. My surgery will be on August 11, 2009. This surgery will cause me to go through instant menopause, soooooo, that's something to deal with in it's on rite. I expect to be hot and bitchy to a point but that's ok. I will try to go through this with no hormones & very minimal pain medicine, so if you guys know of any herbal alternatives, let me know. I'm really interested in surgery and medical vids, so I'm gonna include 1 here. The title is also a link to the youtube vid. If you can't deal with the sight of blood & innards DO NOT PRESS PLAY! It's definitely graphic. Love Yall!!!

Omazing Grace -- Yeah I spelled it right

The Point of it All

Everything about this song is so pure, honest, sweet... Take a look see..

Interpretation

Love is like an artist's palette. The slate is clean in the beginning. Then layer upon layer of trials, heartache, joy and smiles are added which can create such heart-wrenching beauty. The critical eye will only notice the tiny imperfections, but the eye of an Artist will see a work in progress. So beautiful it will rival and surpass the beauty of the Mona Lisa. So now u tell me why are we so critical of those that we love? Why is it so important for us to be the "critical eye" and point out the tiny imperfections instead of looking beyond to see the heart & soul of our nearest and dearest?

Beautiful Beautiful Zion

A young girl never quite understood her worth. She was cute, but she couldn't see it. She was smart, but she didn't think so. She was always on the outskirts of popularity, never quite apart of the "in" crowd. Her mother would lie awake at night wondering what it was that she did wrong. Why couldn't her baby just see her the way her family saw her. Now she didn't come from a broken home and her childhood was not horrible. Daddy wasn't the man she needed him to be, but the her brothers were perfect stand-ins. The family was really close knit. Everybody genuinely loved one another, but for some reason, she always felt alone. She always felt like she had to be more, to do more than everyone else just to be noticed. Guys didn't pay attention to her. They like bad girls. Guys don't appreciate girls with morals. All she wanted was to be liked. So she gave so much of herself to guys, even though she felt so empty, so dead inside afterwards. They would stick around for a moment, but it was only for their benefit. Then she met a guy who she thought was special. He seemed different. They spent each and every day and night together. She found out she was pregnant and everything changed. His true colors came shining through. Of course he left to do his own thang. She wanted to hide it, but it came out anyway. Some of the people closest to her reinforced what she always thought. She was stupid, she was nothing. She couldn't be a mother! What was she thinking. She would spend the rest of her life barefoot and pregnant living off the government. There's no way to turn this situation around except to have an abortion. So, she decided that would be best. She had the money for it, but didn't have a ride to the clinic. She found a ride to the clinic, but didn't have the money for the procedure. This definitely wasn't working out. She knew she couldn't be a mother, she wasn't responsible enough, her baby would never respect her, she was nothing. She was in a deep state of depression. All she did was cry and listen to the radio. It got worse and worse until she heard the song "Zion by Lauryn Hill". This is how she felt. She couldn't talk about it to anyone, but all her feelings came out in her tears. At her lowest point, the only thing she knew to do was cry and pray. After what seemed like forever, wallowing, she stood up refreshed. This is it. Face the fear. Now, 10 years and 1 healthy, handsome, intelligent son later, I am so thankful and honored to be his mom.

No Service

First off let me explain exactly why I haven't been here in so long. We had Comcast Internet Service (which really is very good if you can keep it working, a load of crap with all their new changes). I'm not sure if maybe lightning struck the box one night or if the changeover they're doing here in Mississippi had something to do with all the problems. Anyway, my internet died and I"ve been using my work computer when I could carve out the time which doesn't seem to be often. I have just been able to find a pretty good service, connected today, yaaaay, so hopefully I will be able to update a bit more often. Y'all don't leave me okay :o)

Back Down Memory Lane

So, I'm like all over the internet. I'm on all the big name sites. I was talking to an old high school classmate of mine a couple of days ago on one of these social networking sites & she told me that our high school had a board on ning. I thought long and hard about this. High School wasn't my all-time favorite. I graduated as fast as I could. First off, the city where I lived was just too ding dang doggone teeny & everybody knew (and still knows) everybody else's business. I also felt like I was always a couple of steps behind everybody else. I was known, but never in "that" crowd. I wasn't a jock. I was rather nerdy, though I'm proud of my nerdiness now. I was smart, but not smart enough. I was like the ugly duckling I suppose. I was in band. But that was so much fun to me. Beta Club was a really big thing in our county, and though I participated at the games, I really wasn't into putting on my fake face & going to convention for the weekend. I graduated a year early & couldn't even get up the nerve to walk across the stage. I felt like an outcast, different from everybody else in some way. Anyway, when I got to that site & started browsing all the different profiles, all of that came flooding back. I had those same feelings of insecurity, like I didn't measure up. I've been around in stores & saw classmates and turned the other way so they wouldn't see me. I didn't want to answer to anybody, but I have nothing to hide. I started to think about all I've accomplished in the 14 years I've been out of H.S. On the outside looking in, everyone is doing so well. I'm proud of them. There were several people that weren't necessarily my "cup of tea," but we're adults now. It's time to squash that. I don't know if I'll ever bring myself to actually go to any type of reunion, but I'm so proud of me and the journey that I've traveled. Everyone has their story, even the seemingly "perfect people," but I can only create and edit mine. My life is like no one else's. I'm unique, my faults, my flaws, my pain & my accomplishments are ALL MINE. Thinking back, maybe I put all the added pressure on myself... I'm facing my demons head-on. I can't accept my future if I'm still living in my past right?